The Flu, Vaccinations, and a 5K..In That Order

I'm eating Saltines and drinking Gatorade as I type. One of my besties, N, brought them over after we finished our community's annual 5K yesterday and when I realized that what I thought was a bad cold was actually the flu. It hit hard on Friday afternoon with a headache and coughs, but Friday was all about Solomon's 4 month vaccinations. It was a rough afternoon. Bobby and I were bickering about nothing I can remember right now, but I can say that vaccinations are rough on us. Bobby hates to see Solomon in pain from vaccinations,yet it doesn't phase me much because I've watched and discussed my share of polio and smallpox videos with my science students. Bobby looked like he was in physical pain watching his baby boy receive two shots to the hip. I was mildly annoyed by what seemed like hypersensitivity. Now, I'm grateful that I have such a compassionate and empathetic husband. Definitely one of his best qualities.

My "Tiffany blue" nails checking out Solo's injection spots

Fridays are my day. I encourage every mother of small children to pick a day for just herself and be faithful to it. I leave Bobby with bottles of pumped milk and go out alone or with friends. So though I was coughing and not feeling well, the body and head aches didn't start until my mani and pedi with S and N (I'm feeling nasty, but I must say, looking at these Tiffany blue nails makes me feel a bit more cheerful ). We enjoyed an evening out eating appetizers, dessert, a hot drink for my congestion, and talks of career and faith to reach for more.

first day of flu

Though I've been in bed all weekend, I am logging the efforts for balance and emotional health. Being a working mom is really hard. As a younger woman, I praised the sacrifices of women in my family, citing, "I've never seen her go out with friends for a cup of tea or a glass of wine." "She never took time for herself, always making sure there was dinner and time to check on our academics." While I am deeply grateful and quite frankly, in awe, of the sacrifices my mother and grandmothers made, I think that spending time AWAY from the never ending duties of being a mother and wife will ultimately make me more emotionally and spiritually healthy and honest about the gamet of feelings I experience--and make me a more present mom and wife. So leaving Solo and Bobby for a few hours for a mani, pedi, and appetizers makes me a better me! For moms who don't have a line in th
eir budgets for these kinds of outings, a walk or bike ride with the hubby or good friends or alone serves equally well. I've even gone to Target and "splurged" on a $2 cup of coffee for my "me time".

Solo in his first Lawndale 5K!

The 5K was also a "milestone" to my come back. I loved running before pregnancy, but with opposite spousal work schedules and sleepless nights (Solomon wakes 2-3 times a night STILL to nurse), and a work start time between 7 and 7:30am, working out before work hasn't been a good option. I hooked up with many friends yesterday morning; it felt like a reunion! So many beautiful faces with years of history with me made my morning. Bobby had pumped the jogger tires up for us the night before. It was the first time I used it, and I felt that I could run 10 miles with it! I did a fast paced walk with friends and then ran the last quarter miles. My joints her. Now I'm not sure if it was "pregnancy joints" or the flu. At any rate, Solomon and I finished our first 5K together!

"Don't cry over spilled milk" and All Things Milky

So, this old adage finally means something to me, a woman who has been distanced from the wisdom of this vintage saying through modern comforts like refrigeration and a seemingly never ending supply of milk at Jewel or Target or Whole Foods. I couldn't find a place to pump, so I pumped in the closet like faculty bathroom on the 2nd floor, and in the awkward coordination of taking the storage bottle off of the suction cups, my baby's milk spilled all down my leg and onto the nasty faculty bathroom floor. I started to sob, but quickly pulled it together. It was gone. "DON'T CRY OVER THAT SPILLED MILK, TIFFANY. TEARS WON'T BRING IT BACK." I had to return to a meeting, looking like I had just peed my jeanie pants, smelling like sweet, sticky breast milk,but that was the lesser concern.I started strategizing how I could pump more milk even though I was feeling maxed out.

 Solomon's sweet breakfast was on the floor. What was he going to eat the next day? I felt panic. I had to move into decisive action, not succumb to tears, which would be an unfruitful distraction at this point. I grieved silently, but was resolved to get Solomon some breakfast for the next morning. Milk is serious business. It has even surfaced vices like MILK ENVY. Yes, I have had milk envy, and the object of my envy is the sweetest, coolest colleague. I really like her and wish we had more time to develop a friendship outside of work. She's really intelligent and has helped me both personally and professionally. I don't really feel envy, but I did feel like a bit of a failure when she told me she has volumes on top of volumes of stored milk. How in the...? She told me she can pump 30 ounces a day. What the...? How is that possible and why do I work so hard to squeeze out every drop I can get for just one day's supply? I so desparately want storage so we can take advantage of babysitting, but when we can only provide one bottle at a time, we can only leave Solomon for a short amount of time.

 All of our bodies are different, and while I eat very healthfully, read every kellymom.com article I can get to, drink water, and am faithfully taking my Mother's Milk and Fenugreek supplements to increase supply, results aren't where I want them to be. It's improving though. It all takes work and effort. My goal is to have lots of joy in the midst of the work. I'm doing something really special for my son.

I'm up all night...NOT to get lucky

I'm up all night...sanitizing; and catching up on the many chores that can't be done while Solomon is awake. At 18 weeks, Solo has his first cold. He's handling it like a champ. He's pretty stuffy, but otherwise, in good spirits. My mother bought us one of those innovate Swiss "snaut suckers" to pull out the nose phlem. Shameless product plug here. It's great. My mother got ours at a Cincinnati pharmacy, but I've seen them at Whole Foods as well. Solomon takes the suction bravely. Now, he certainly resists like all babies, but without all of the drama. It takes both of us to hold him down, and he did snatch it and pull it apart while I was doing the do, but he doesn't really scream or cry, and wants it's over, it's over. I woke up around a quarter to 3 (in the morning, that is) to sanitize our vaporizer, which I've read can help with a baby's discomfort when suffering a cold. I then moved on to sanitize and store bottles. I then realized that I fell asleep without completing my evening routine, which can pretty much ruin my life the next day. I'm not sure if that statement is an exaggeration. Being a mom and a high school teacher is very, very stressful. I aim to be at school between 7am and 7:15 to set up my lab, check emails,make copies, log grades, follow up with parents, etc, so this means that my morning, which starts before 6, has to go on without a hitch. If I don't have my lunch packed and clothes set out the night before, my whole teaching day can be thrown off. There's no time to leave the building with a 25 minute lunch, and if I don't eat, I not only don't have enough energy for my responsibilities, but milk production is negatively affected. So, after the sanitizing, I finished packing food for the day and got the coffee station ready. And now, I hear stuff nosed Solomon stirring again. It's 4:15 am. I have to be up for the day in an hour and 15 minutes.

Celebrating the Small Things

Bobby and I biking the Milwaukee waterfront. Phew. Sleep training is NOT FUN. Solomon: 2, Mommy:1. He's slightly ahead, but I'm gaining on him. This entry is not about sleep training and schedules, but it's kind of consuming my life right now. I've actually been trying to document what I'm considering "victories" in this new and challenging phase of my life. As a new mom, it's easy to feel like I'm doing nothing but being an Oberweis cow--just a milk supplier. Additionally, I'm a new wife;I got pregnant 3 weeks into my first year of marriage. We don't even have time to argue about dishes! Though these new developments are blessings, they've been a shock to a woman who was single and doing her own thing until age 36. In one year's time, I became a wife and a mother, and my days of backpacking alone through Mexico feel like a distant memory (though I used to dream of backpacking with a baby tied to my chest--hopefully, we'll be back on the travel scene soon). During the first two weeks of Solo's life outside of the womb, I was documenting things like "I took a shower and did my hair!" I've had to adjust my expectations a lot about what "productivity" is and looks like. I thought I'd get a lot done this summer because "newborns sleep all day". What I failed to realize is that they sleep on you! I've found myself to be really frustrated, feeling like I'm not "accomplishing" anything. What I'm coming to realize is that my greatest accomplishment since May 1st will be fully and unconditionally loving my son Solomon. However, the purpose of my writing today is to celebrate that which I've been able to do since May 1st. 1) I survived breastfeeding and my child is still exclusively breastfed (after working with 2 lactation consultant and very special lactation specialist--thanks, Shelly!) 2) We beat thrush! 3) We made it to my cousin Miranda's wedding in Detroit when Solo was only 4 weeks old 4) We did an overnight without Solomon for our one year anniversary! We did our favorite thing--riding Amtrak--to Milwaukee for the Summerfest, stayed in a vintage suite, cycled the Lake and parts of the city, had great coffee, and heavily caloric food! Apparently, an "overnighter" is quite a feat. We learned from some friends that they haven't had a night alone since the first child (years for some folks!) Admittedly, it was hard. I teared up expressing my breastmilk into the sink 5) I'm biking and running again 6) We attended Silver Room's Block Party--our meeting anniversary spot 7) I see friends weekly for exercise, talking, advice, laughter 8) I cook dinner almost every night! 9) Bobby and I still have a pretty regular date night!Sushi! (Thanks Pastor Ted and Shelly!) 10)Coaching the boys from my block in our community basketball league 11)Hosted 4th of July family gathering; "heart to heart" with my brother Doug was a highlight of my summer 12) Bobby and I building a bookcase 13) Worked on hopefully my last leg of work for National Board Certification--took a crazy Chemistry exam 3 weeks postpartum 14) Alternatives to Violence trainer training! 3 weekends! I'm celebrating evidence that though my life has a different focus, I'm working to keep my own identity as a woman with interests, as a wife, friend, daughter/sister/niece/cousin/granddaughter. Really important stuff. The advice veteran married couples give over and over is "Keep a date night!" We plan on it!

Rice or no rice? That is the question.

Chico is under the dining room bench snoring. Bobby is passed out in the bed. Solomon, wrapped like a mummy in his SwaddleMe (one of our favorite products, by the way), is catching up on all of the sleep that he lost from 10pm until 4:30 this morning. YAY, for me! Yup, I've been up since 4:30 to get all of the things done that I can't do while my very alert and precocious 12 week old is awake. I've always been an early riser and have never had a problem with sacrificing sleep to reach a goal. Goals these days have drastically changed. Brush teeth. Go to the bathroom. Put on clothes. It's that bad. Having a baby is as the cliche says: Truly life transforming and it's wonderful, but I was not prepared for how seriously challenging it is to change ALL of my priorities and expectations. Knowing her overly ambitious daughter, my mom warned me, but no words could prepare for this. Another--and more lofty goal--is to keep up with my blogging. I love writing, but it's really challenging to maintain as a teacher, and now as a new mom. Perhaps it comes down to discipline, and maybe sacrificing another 20-30 minutes of sleep to get my words on the screen. I'm particularly interested in documenting my son's amazing growth and having a way to keep memory of the dozens of thoughts and observations I have a day. More about his growth later. The purpose of this blog was to air out a debate for which the score is: Mother-in-law, 1. Tiffany, 0 (ZERO, GOOSE EGG, NADA). The debate is about rice cereal. Every time I see my mother in law--and this is no exaggeration--she says I need to give "that baby a bottle" and that "he doesn't seem to get enough from the breast" and that I "need to add rice cereal." After the last few nights, I'm starting to feel weak like SWV...like I need to give in...throw in the rice. Solomon was an awesome sleeper for a few weeks, so much so, that he work up dehydrated twice during our Chicago heat spell. He slept through night feedings, and that proved too much for his little body. The good sleep, however, came to an abrupt ending about 2 nights ago. He's been up asking for a feeding every hour and a half between 11pm and 5am. Hence, why I've washed and cut my hair, fed the dog, pumped 4 oz of milk, prepared 3 bottles, swept, and stored tupperware all since 4:30am. (and I've also been texting my FAVE 5 girlfriends, roping them into the rice cereal debate. They're pretty awesome, smart, and well read, and I like to bounce things off of them--they're great mommies, too). My mother in law, mother, grandmother, and a host of other black mommas who have raised STRAPPING, STRONG, BIG, HEALTHY men all swear by rice cereal. However, research seems to point to allergies and obesity down the line. I'm tired of not sleeping, which leads me to feelings of desperation and confusion, so I'm not sure who to listen too. Do I listen to the elders, with great anecdotal evidence that has never been subject to peer review, or to the "professionals" who have studied journals and published? I want the best for Solomon, as my mother in law, mother, grandmothers wanted for all of their children (26 amongst the four of them!). At this time, I'm just going to double up on the feedings and keep reading and try to listen more carefully to my mother's intuition.

"Baby" Doesn't Have to Mean Family Fiscal Cliff

Well, fellow US tax paying citizens, we came close to the edge, but averted the fiscal cliff. I think about money a lot, but it's been all the more on the forefront of my mind as I watched doomsday updates about the right staying right and left staying left. My thoughts about money: Am I being a good steward of it? How can I save more? Make more? Give more? Invest more? Grow it? Pay my momma's house off? Live in Mexico with Bobby for a summer? Let your friends tell it, the expanding of a family through babies is a good way to answer the preceding questions with, "You can't, you won't, barely, hardly, never." I hear babies cost a lot of money, though we always seemed to have plenty at 2465 and 2493 (my grandparents homes in Detroit). There was always food, always laughter and fun, lots of pets (Sparky, Midnight, Midnight, and Midnight--my father named all of his dogs Midnight). My maternal grandparents had 6 children. My paternal grandparents had 13. My grandfather threw the best parties. I remember big blocks of ice from the local icehouse chilling glass bottles of pop (Town and Country??).My parents raised 4 of us and we always had generous Christmases, braces for our teeth, music lessons, instruments. I guess this is precisely where the money went. The kids were the investment. While I want our child/ren to have good things, I don't want to blow our budget. My goal is to be a savvy mom who is still able to do savvy things with money. So, I'm on a quest to do this baby thing on a shoestring budget, utilizing Grannyeconomics--maybe not going as far to make all of my own soap and sewing all of our baby's clothes-- but I want to know the secret of how my foremothers did so much with so little. I started the quest seriously this morning at 2:30am. What generally happens is Bobby's artistic brain really gets cranking at 11pm, starts slowing down at 2:30, and then he wakes me up to debrief! Huh!? I couldn't go back to sleep after this morning's debrief and got to thinking of how we had to make some serious adjustments for our new addition who is due to come in less than 16 weeks. So, I made accounts with both Craigslist and FreeCycle. Within hours, I scored the co-sleeper we wanted for 1/3 of the cost. Instead of buying new storage furniture, our friend, Jen, the proprietor of Simplify (contact me if you want her services), came up with a plan to install closet systems and underbed storage drawers facilitated by bed lifts. I've started my costs analysis: cost per diaper per brand, disposable vs. cloth, etc. I'm scouring online consignment and finding that there's a lot of good gently used stuff out there...still can't bring myself to buy a used breast pump. Something seems terribly wrong with that idea. A big goal is the convenience of modernity, yet simplicity, and I'm asking as many dads and moms: What stuff was essential and what was just colorful, plastic clutter? What do you do or plan to do to save time, money, and space? What's your best money saving tip for new parents?

Almost 6 months pregnant with sister Brooke and goddaughter, Hope

No Pitocin Please

It's 4am. Bobby and Chico are snoring in tandem. I burst into a loud sob. Bobby wakes, cool as a cucumber (as usual) and asks, "Baby, what's wrong?" Sobbing more loudly, "I just saw Ricky Lake's baby born in water! AAAAAA!!! Look at him!" Bobby turns toward the t.v. (we slept on the futon again) and says, "Eww. That thing looks like a worm. Baby, be careful with what you're watching." He turns back toward me and falls asleep gently touching my arm. Yes, the sight of Ricky Lake's flopped over breasts and remaining distressed naked body in a bathtub--as she gives natural birth--has made me lose it all. Yes, I'm watching "The Business of Being Born", and yes, I'm back to blogging. I've had a few friends request that I return to what I probably love most--writing (though, it's hard to maintain since 1) I don't make a living by it and 2) I have the most inflexible career in the U.S.--K-12 public education). Why am I watching "The Business of Being Born" at 3:30 am on a school day? Welp. I'm up with pregnancy gas, and I went to bed at 7pm--my now normal prenatal bed time. Yup, I slipped it in. Bobby and I are having a baby? Who's Bobby? Oh yeah, he's new to the picture too since "30 Dates in 30 Days". I have a lot of catching up and documenting to do. I'll talk more about Bobby later. The presently needed facts: He's my husband and Baby Daddy and an awesome human being and general Renaissance man. I'll get to how I have a husband and expecting a baby--all in less than 2 years--some time later. I'll say for now: I want a natural birth. Please remind me of this later. I had dinner with my dearest friend, her father, and sister last night. Everyone needs a girlfriend like G. She has been my 2nd best caretaker after Bobby. She feeds me delicious soups and other meals 2-3 times a week and is so excited about our coming baby. Her sister--over caldo de pollo--told me about PITOCIN (evil! Okay, maybe i'm being dramatic)last night and "The Business of Being Born". So I woke up early this morning to watch it on Netflix. I'm only 15 weeks, but I am taking the time to educate myself and praying for a healthy pregnancy and the ability to give a natural birth.