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Thursday, September 5, 2013

"Don't cry over spilled milk" and All Things Milky

So, this old adage finally means something to me, a woman who has been distanced from the wisdom of this vintage saying through modern comforts like refrigeration and a seemingly never ending supply of milk at Jewel or Target or Whole Foods. I couldn't find a place to pump, so I pumped in the closet like faculty bathroom on the 2nd floor, and in the awkward coordination of taking the storage bottle off of the suction cups, my baby's milk spilled all down my leg and onto the nasty faculty bathroom floor. I started to sob, but quickly pulled it together. It was gone. "DON'T CRY OVER THAT SPILLED MILK, TIFFANY. TEARS WON'T BRING IT BACK." I had to return to a meeting, looking like I had just peed my jeanie pants, smelling like sweet, sticky breast milk,but that was the lesser concern.I started strategizing how I could pump more milk even though I was feeling maxed out.

 Solomon's sweet breakfast was on the floor. What was he going to eat the next day? I felt panic. I had to move into decisive action, not succumb to tears, which would be an unfruitful distraction at this point. I grieved silently, but was resolved to get Solomon some breakfast for the next morning. Milk is serious business. It has even surfaced vices like MILK ENVY. Yes, I have had milk envy, and the object of my envy is the sweetest, coolest colleague. I really like her and wish we had more time to develop a friendship outside of work. She's really intelligent and has helped me both personally and professionally. I don't really feel envy, but I did feel like a bit of a failure when she told me she has volumes on top of volumes of stored milk. How in the...? She told me she can pump 30 ounces a day. What the...? How is that possible and why do I work so hard to squeeze out every drop I can get for just one day's supply? I so desparately want storage so we can take advantage of babysitting, but when we can only provide one bottle at a time, we can only leave Solomon for a short amount of time.

 All of our bodies are different, and while I eat very healthfully, read every article I can get to, drink water, and am faithfully taking my Mother's Milk and Fenugreek supplements to increase supply, results aren't where I want them to be. It's improving though. It all takes work and effort. My goal is to have lots of joy in the midst of the work. I'm doing something really special for my son.

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