Yesterday, I scheduled 8 dates--within hours. All afternoon I felt strong, confident, and pretty excited. I even played tennis with extra gusto--hustling at a different intensity and taking some daring shots. I still got wooped by Castleberry, but I definitely played on a high, telling my married male friend (who is amazingly excited for me), between shots, about my numerous conversations with men throughout the day. I shared with my friend all of the responses, how some complained that they didn't want to be "1 of 3o" or "Why do I have to be number 10?" or "Why wasn't I introduced to you before these 30 days?" Exhilarating and exciting! I did, however, got rejected by one guy who seems averse to the "experiment". Ask me if I thought twice about it....big grin.
Which brings me to the point of today's entry.
In the midst of tennis, an epiphany emerged. Men who have an active dating life don't "sweat" any woman. They have the mindset of the popular Hip Hop song that says something to the effect of "On to the next one". Confident and actively dating men don't spend time wallowing in rejection or analyzing why a girl no longer wants to date him or what he did wrong (though I definitely would advocate more instrospection and self reflection for those chronic serial daters who lack personal evolution and growth in the love and commitment arena). Hello sisters!!! How many times have you had tea or a glass of wine with your girlfriend, talking for HOURS about what you can't figure out that you did to make him stop being interested. Honestly, WHO CARES!?! Unless you have experienced real, unexploited, mutual and reciprocal unadulterated love, MOVE ON. Don't give rejection a second thought (unless the rejection is connected to some huge character or personal flaws). Men who actively date and have FUN doing it are keenly and accutely aware that there are many more "fish in the sea" (as our parents may have said). There's always a girl who has a better laugh, who's more athletic, who has just a bright of a smile, who's got a nice pair of legs, a nice personality...there are plenty of them, so in their LOGIC, why waste time crying about ONE who doesn't like you? Duh!
Now that's logic. Unfortunately, the human factor often enters and can wreck havoc on this logical and methodical method of "meeting and greeting", resulting in love and , sometimes, tragically, broken hearts. We must all tread softly and wisely and in integrity so that people don't get hurt. Sometimes love comes--even for the serial dater.
With this in mind, I think it's appropriate to clarify the point of the 30 days, as I have seen that there is room for interpretation and misunderstanding. The men who I will date in these 30 days are not "lab rats", they are not "variables". It's important to understand that I, nor any man involved, should enter this thinking that they are going to spend the next half hour with "THE ONE". These dates are not meant to be romantic, AT ALL. They are meant to be fun, intriguing, stimulating...did I already mention FUN. An important caveat to note, however, is to re-emphasize the human factor and the risk of "falling" for someone. Though "love and commitment" is not the objective of these 30 days, it COULD COME. All participants should be aware of this possibility. That's the risk involved--but not the objective, so I'm not playing with love or manipulating hearts or relationships. I am simly creating conditions under which I can meet 30 VERY different men, "test the market" of what's really out there in terms of "dating material", and to learn as a single woman who is definitely open to finding su media naranja in this life. Happy, fearless, intentional connecting today readers!
Enjoying your posts a great deal!
ReplyDeleteThis is going to be interesting...
ReplyDeletethis is somewhat outside the topic but i had no idea that L stood for lorae. its like a new identity :)
ReplyDeleteHave Fun!! Love the disclaimer ;-).
ReplyDeleteI love what you're doing. I may be inspired to do 10 dates in 10 days!
ReplyDeleteOk! You are my girl and I gotcha. I will forward you "his" information. Let's roll!!!
ReplyDeleteso, women who have active dating lives don't sweat men either, right? i wonder why then some women don't have active dating lives in where they date several men at a time? do you think its because of how society views women that date a lot?
ReplyDeleteInteresting question Mayra, and the longer I live, the more diversity and divergence from the "norm" I see. From my experience as a woman and having many close woman friends, three sisters, a mom, aunts, etc., we like to connect emotionally--that can be kind of hard to do as a serial dater. I can't think of too many women in my circle who want to just date around for many years...even for my friends who aren't "thirsty" to get married (I'm one of those whose not thirsty--34 and unmarried), we find it hard to connect on a signficant level by casually dating around. I just had a conversation last night with a man who is very special to me; he doesn't like talking and connecting deeply and emotionally, so it may be a function of that, that allows him to date many people. I do, think, however, that there may be social stigmas for women who date around a lot. I can only think of one woman who is not in my "circle", but who's definitely a colleague--women can't stand her flirtatious ways and how she has many lovers and boyfriends. Dunno....
ReplyDeleteWow Tiffany.....this is pretty dope & adventorous.. I'm excited... and can't wait to read all your following blogs... : )
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued to see how it turns out. I do wonder how you'll be able to manage the post date communication or plans though. For instance, 30 dates in 30 days...does that mean 30 dates with 30 different guys or 30 dates in general where there might be a date with the same guy more than once? What will the post date follow up be like; will you communicate with each guy after the date or are they giving you a grace period to allow you to finish your 30 days? Are all of the dates dutch or is each date paid for by the guy? Details girl details...inquiring minds want to know haha.
ReplyDelete